


What Did the Duck Say to the Pigeon? P.U.!

by WizardSandwich



Category: DuckTales (Cartoon 2017)
Genre: Other, some of us write gay self inserts to cope
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-05
Updated: 2019-11-05
Packaged: 2021-01-23 09:33:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21317977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WizardSandwich/pseuds/WizardSandwich
Summary: Sometimes, family is a stupid parental unit of a pigeon.
Relationships: Donald Duck/Self-Insert
Kudos: 15





	What Did the Duck Say to the Pigeon? P.U.!

**Author's Note:**

> the pu thing is a joke brought to me by a friend tbh

Scrooge is used to hectic mornings with the boys—they’re growing and there are three of them and _Webby. _It’s not unusual for them to be running around like they’re about to go into battle. What is unusual is for them to yelling about some “pee-yew.”

“Boys,” Scrooge demands, stepping in front of Huey. The duckling skids to a stop and falls face first onto the carpet. “What on the ever-loving earth is going on here?”

Huey scrambles to bring himself to his feet. He can see Louie trying not to snicker at his brother’s rumpled feathers. “The P.U. is going to be back today!” Dewey answers. “We forgot until Uncle Donald brought out the travel calendar and now Huey’s trying to find his P.U. day planner.”

He’s oddly chipper about whatever this “P.U.” is. Scrooge sighs, somewhat prepared to have one pulled over on himself, “And what, exactly, is this P.U.?”

“Parental Unit,” Dewey says. “Huey patented it. They’re coming back from… where did they say they were going again?”

“They had a gig in Mouseton. Said they’d bring back some souvenir sweaters or something,” Louie answers with a shrug. “Which means they’ll try their best to get something soft and tacky.”

“So pajamas,” Dewey says with a nod. “Cool. I needed something warm for the winter.”

“Wait—” Scrooge interrupts their banter. He’s intrigued, but mostly out of the loop. “Someone other than your uncle raised you?”

“Well, technically no—” Huey starts.

“They’re Uncle Donald’s tax partner,” Louie says, looking smug and absolutely sure that Scrooge will know what he means. “They’re here in Duckburg for nine months a year. They spend the other three wherever it is they happen to go.”

That. That throws Scrooge off. Tax partner? Now that sounds a lot like—“When was anyone going to tell me that my nephew got married somewhere down the line?”

“When his tax partner came home?” Dewey offers awkwardly.

Scrooge sighs, already mentally preparing for the worst. He knows nothing of his nephew’s “tax partner.” But if they’re anything like Donald’s other dates, well—his nephew never did have the best luck when it came to love.

“When will they be here, lads?”

“Uh,” Huey looks down to check a wristwatch that isn’t there. “Three?”

“Go find your planner. Does Beakley know we’ll be having a guest?” Scrooge asks, shooing Huey down the hall with his cane.

“I think she figured it out,” Louie says, already turning back down the hallway.

“Good, we’ve got another ten minutes before your ‘P.U.’ gets here. If we had time I’d make some tea before I tell them that I’m not giving them any money just because they’re ‘family’ but unfortunately that’ll have to wait,” Scrooge follows Louie down the hall, gesturing for Dewey to follow them.

Dewey defends them, “P.U. would never do that. They keep trying to give Uncle Donald gifts and money.”

“Give that deadbeat money?” Scrooge scoffs. “They must either be crazy or they actually love the man.”

“Honestly, I think it’s a bit of both.” Louie nods in solemn agreement.

Just when they start down the staircase, Donald calls up to them, “Boys! Have you seen my nice hat?”

“It was thrown into the ocean, Uncle Donald!” Louie yells back down to him. “It was eaten by a fish, remember?”

“Oh.”

Donald sounds a bit put out but Louie only continues, “The one that they bought you is on the hall closet’s doorknob though.”

“Thank you, Louie,” Donald scampers off without another word. Since when has Donald scampered? Not since he was a wee child, from what Scrooge can recall.

“What time is it, anyway?” Dewey asks.

Scrooge reaches into his pocket to pull out his watch, “Your P.U. should be here in a minute or so—”

The large oak door of the mansion is knocked on lightly. Then, after a pause, the knocks come a bit harder and louder. “Haven’t they ever heard of a doorbell?” he asks.

“Wizard’s not the brightest bulb in the box,” Dewey offers.

Scrooge shakes his head and takes a step toward the door. He’s cut off by Donald, very clearly not with a different hat, skidding to a stop in front of the door. He yanks it open without another word, revealing a brown feathered pigeon.

“Wizard!” Donald’s voice is laced with excitement. He throws his arms around the pigeon—Wizard—and pulls them into the tightest hug Scrooge has seen him give anyone who isn’t the boys or… no need to go there right now. Better to focus on the now.

“Double D,” Wizard croons back. “It’s been forever! I’ve been waiting to have you in my arms again.”

“Stop it, sap,” Donald huffs, but he doesn’t release them from his grip.

“Of course, Donnie, couldn’t let the kids think you’re getting soft or something. Why ever would they listen to you after that? Not even that fierce fluff could make them tremble in submission.”

Wizard’s clear taunting finally makes Donald let go. “I should get a divorce,” Donald tells them.

Wizard laughs, tossing their head back in mock amusement, “You love me.”

“You wish.” Donald shoves them lightly, causing them to stumble. Their hand latches onto the front of Donald’s uniform and he trips over his own feet. They both topple without another word.

“You’re heavy,” Wizard says when they and Donald have landed. Donald haphazardly rests against their chest, squishing them and their lungs. “Get off.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Donald mutters.

He rolls off of them with a grunt before getting to his feet. He offers Wizard a hand to pull them up. They ignore it in favor of rolling onto their hands and knees then moving to their feet.

“We both know we’d just topple again,” they say in way of explanation.

Donald nods. “The kids have missed you.”

“And you haven’t? Oh, maybe we should get a divorce, Double D. That’ll show you to not appreciate me,” Wizard says with a laugh.

“Shut it.”

“I hate to interrupt this reunion,” Scrooge interrupts, not really that upset about it. “But I believe that there are some introductions to be made?”

“Oh, yeah, Uncle Scrooge, this is Wizard. Wizard, this is my Uncle Scrooge,” Donald gestures awkwardly between the two of them like he’s afraid Scrooge will throw his cane or something. His nephew has such little faith. It had only happened to one other date before. Plus, this was his tax partner! Scrooge couldn’t really break them up without getting into a legal battle.

“I suppose that I’ll be seeing you often?” Scrooge asks them, raising a feathery eyebrow.

“Yep,” Wizard chirps. “I suppose you’ll be excited to see me?”

“No,” Scrooge says flatly and that’s that.


End file.
